I spent the hour long drive to work today thinking things through, sparked by a conversation I had with a new work colleague yesterday. This girl wants a baby though current circumstances seem to be standing in her way, I emphasised with her as it was eerily similar to my experiences (of which I will go into later)
One line of the conversation jumped out at me "but you already have a baby"
That one line bought everything back. The yearning I felt when we were TTC first time round. Primary infertility truly sucks. Nothing compares. However it made me think of the many fights over the years on forums when Infertile people would split into groups primary against secondary ferts. The primary argued that nothing compared. The secondary tried to vainly argue that you know what your missing out on, so yes it does compare (of course this is as bad as waving a red flag at a bull) the fights would erupt and I would try to compare the two, try and see both sides of the story and eventually realised that the two simply cannot be compared.
After hearing this line yesterday, my heart compressed a little for this girl struggling with her desires and I felt bad for perhaps not considering her feelings because I know how it feels to think you may never have kids, and then I realised I couldnt compare the two situations.
No matter how many similarities we do have, I can't compare my pain with hers. Simply put, she does not have, nor has she ever lived my history.
My pain is exactly that - mine - each persons' pain thresholds differ and for me right at this point in time, it's hurting more than I would care to admit. But that is my cross to bare and it is not my place to judge nor compare.
Whatever life throws our way, needs to be dealt with in our own time, our own way and can never be compared.
My nan always said "god only gives you what you can deal with"