This morning I booked in for a LONG overdue Acupuncture appointment. It had been nearly 2 years since my last appointment and I honestly don't know why I didn't keep it up during this time, I'm sure it would have helped; if only to ground me when the going got tough.
I wasn't 100% sure why I felt the need to go back to see my acupuncturist. In the past my acupuncture appointments have always been to help alleviate the pain associated with endometriosis and to help with fertility. After discussing the past 2 years and dissecting the stress levels I have been under with work, home life, health stuff - it was time to discuss why I was there. I remembered the last time I went to appointments with her, it was the one time I was fully able to relax - with a hectic life and a then 2 year old who had only just started her 2nd day at daycare... life was a whirlwind of up & down, go, go, go. I figured today's appointment could be for that down time I so desperately crave. Time to just lie there and stop the world. To turn my mind off (unfortunately I didn't quite conquer that today...) and just Be.
After a long discussion (we totally ran over our allocated time) it was decided that she would treat me for stress and anxiety (she agreed that the earlier self-diagnosis / aka dr google.... was probably some form of anxiety, though I am pleased to report that those pent up anxious feelings has eased CONSIDERABLY since I have resumed this new at home and slower lifestyle) and some secondary treatment for residual endometriosis pain (what can I say... I am hopeful to prove the Dr's wrong & that my pain WILL ease in future months ;)
I have to say today's appointment was pure Bliss. Total and utter bliss. I had needle points in my hands and feet (love those tingly spots) ones up and down both legs, in my tummy, on my forehead and atop my head (in the hairline) I had a heat pack under my shoulders, a heat lamp on my tummy (my acupuncture girl is a firm believer that operations cause 'coldness' in the abdomen & warming it up again) and today we had some moxa tips on some of the needle points on my lower legs. It was Bliss. Oh yeah, I already mentioned that didn't I???
Leaving the clinic, I felt a weight had been lifted and that is saying something for me at the moment. The last few years I have carrying so much angst with me and my only outlet has been to talk (which is getting old) and write (I can never find the right words, to describe the depth of my feelings) to have that something else to let go of this burden is a huge relief. I came home in a blissful state (I may or may not of got a speeding fine on the highway... time and the mail notice will tell - eek, but I'm not too concerned ;) see totally blissed out) and I smelt like pot (totally blended in a the local shopping centre LOL) and I was relaxed. It's been a long time since I felt this relaxed.
Just prior to getting the needles, I felt on the verge of tears. Blinking them back. Trying hard to keep in control as we discussed what had happened since we last spoke. To tell her that the Dr's think I need to be on birth control and hearing from her that it can have side effects into the future (of which I am well aware of and adds to my issue of whether I will agree with what the Dr's suggest or if I will break away and ignore what is best... still undecided) all of this in talks is just too raw for me to deal with at the moment and I felt ready to fall in a heap, sobbing my eyes out. Once those needles were flicked into my skin, I could just feel all the unresolved feelings lifting. Floating away. I was balanced and though I still have no answers and am unsure of the way forward, I feel today was just what the Dr ordered.
After feeling this good, I am fully intending to make a point of keeping regular appointments - if only to keep me grounded and in a state of bliss for however long it lasts.