Sunday, July 10, 2011

Contentment

This week I have been writing. A lot. Every day in fact and I haven't been holding back. I am writing whatever comes to mind. Expectations of other people upon me, my expectations on others. Day to day nonsense. The Simple moments in life. What we have been doing. The weather. Finally I am feeling connected... It's funny how I've had to fork out $130 just to realise something that I knew all along. Writing (whether or not we will class myself as any good) is in my bones and is my soul. I am writing and I feel bloody good. I still have a long road to go, I know that, but right now I'm feeling more myself and more grounded than I have over the past 18 months.   

I have also been slowing down (as much as I can do with appointments left right and centre... this week alone I have 3 appointments - all in the city) the last few days I have spent some time out the back. One day with a group of good friends, soaking up the atmosphere and friendship while the kids ran wild in the backyard. Yesterday I curled up with a book and today I have written in my moleskine and have now (naughty-naughty) bought the macbook out to write this post! It is utterly glorious in my neck of the woods, not a cloud in the clear blue sky and while it's still a touch cold (currently 15C) my fingers and hands have now thawed and I am soaking up the sunshine.

This week alone I have my second counselling session, an acupuncture appointment and my final appointment with my surgeon. I will hopefully get the all clear on the internal stitches and some direction for the next 6 months or so. I realise now that I can't force myself to think long-term solutions as with this disease... long term generally means operations. With that in mind, I am focusing on 6 months only. This will get me to Christmas before I take stock and re-assess my focus points. Six months doesn't seem to be as BIG as 12 months or worse several years. There are some big changes coming up in the next 6 months and I'm hoping with those changes comes more routine in our lives (it has been missing of late with the amount of appointments / running around / changes) I have spoken to my husband and will be signing up to a creative writing course (correspondence) in the very near future (as soon as I get my backside to the shops& get my money back for the operation) I am (needless to say) very bloody excited about that! I worry somewhat that I won't be good enough to complete it (especially considering the state of my writing of late) but I'm keen and I guess that's a very big start!!!

Another HUGE thing we are doing is getting rid of the baby equipment (eeek...) I am still feeling very un-settled about doing so, but I am starting to think it's a lot like clutter - while it's there, it is weighing down on me and it is now the time to start getting it out. Should we have a miracle pregnancy in the future at some stage (doubtful... but I do live in hope) then we will just need to go and buy everything once more. Financially probably a bit silly, but it's something I think needs to happen. It's weird, I had always envisaged my children sharing the same cot, pram etc... (this dates back to when I was kid & all of us had the same cot, cradle etc.. as well as our cousins) but now that I've made this decision to let it all go, I'm feeling vastly different about this. I'm still really sad to see it go and my husband has been warned NOT to push me too far in getting rid of it all at one time. My neighbour is expecting a grandchild and came over last week to check out what we had and is interested in a lot of our gear. I also showed off the nappy collection, if they don't decide to take it off my hands, I have signed up to an online forum in the hopes that I can re-coup some of my costs. Now that day will be sad... but I am intending on keeping some of my favourites - really & truly, I can't force myself to part with the piggy nappy now can I???

I'm hoping to be back on board with the Write On Wednesday this week, last week I attempted it but just couldn't get anything decent. So hopefully better luck this week!!!    



1 comment:

Melissa Jane said...

Well done with your writing efforts this week, its obviously good therapy for you and very uplifting. If your neighbour does buy your baby stuff you can always buy it back if need be?