Thursday, July 21, 2011

Writing through pain... the happiness drought?

This blog was created simply for me to air my grievances with all that was going down in my life (of course I did hold back on some of the stuff... not everything was suitable to be shared!) it has been good therapy for me & I know the greater the pain I am in emotionally, the greater my word count has been.

The last few days I've been feeling pretty levelled out. I'm not highly emotional, nor am I jumping with joy and happiness... I am just flat-lined (not flat-lining, god forbid) no I am just cruising through the week without a care in the world. Feelings and emotions are being smothered and I am trying to focus on positive stuff. Yet with this all new level of calm (if you can go so far as calling it that) I don't feel the urge to write. I feel I have to force myself. And I truly don't like putting that type of pressure on myself, but then if I don't; I start getting all worried that I am obviously not good enough to be writing a book. If I can't write when I'm happy (which is utter bullshit, because I can and do write a LOT when I'm happy) it's just a negativity that seeps in & I need to fight it. I also think it's merely still all about finding my feet with this blog and work out which direction I want my story to take. It is now that I am at a cross-roads, I am no longer in the care of Doctors, it is up to me to make my choices and hope they are the right choices for ME.

Sometimes it's hard to muster positive vibes & posts when deep down, I'm still harbouring quite a lot of negativity. Which is just plain SILLY! To combat this I am going to attempt one post of positivity once a week (on no particular day, just whenever something strikes my fancy.) Perhaps balancing the negative with some positive ~ I will find the ultimate balance in mind, body and spirit.

And if everything goes according to plan, I might be able to churn out something half decent for the Write on Wednesdays (which I missed once more this week due to cold feet and a half assed attempt at creative writing (*sigh* see being too hard on myself again)     



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