Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Contemplating my life... and writing about it

So we all noticed my little AWOL caper, although I touched on it in my last post ~ one thing I neglected to mention was I had also been feeling pretty level with life and all it entails at the moment, there didn't seem to be any extra reason I needed to be here in this little space recording my thoughts. But. I started to miss it. I wanted to write. But. I sat and stared at the blank lines ahead of me and I got cold feet (I mean seriously cold feet... it is winter here after all ;) and then I started doubting myself as a writer. I nearly signed up to a writing course (in creative writing) But. Again cold feet.

Over the weekend just gone, I headed to an open day at the local University campus. I heard they offer first year major in the Creative Industries (professional & creative writing, which I'm REALLY interested in) at this local campus then you transfer to the city campus to do the remainder of the course. I was really interested. The bank account not so much... but I want to do something. Be something.

Confusion and self doubt kicked in as I went back and forth. I wondered if I should sign up to the original course (it is offered by correspondence, about 20 times cheaper & can be completed over 3 years) surely it would be confidence building and if I really and totally suck at it (or I decide it's not my area of expertise)... well I've only wasted 1/20th of our savings rather than a whole chunk? Right?

I am so glad I went over the weekend though. It has given me a lot of food for thought and when I got home I was excited for about a nano-second when I realised my OP would just scrape me in on the Course I was interested in - at the local campus ONLY! Unfortunately... even though it says they offer the "Creative Industries" for the first year at this campus, unfortunately it does appear that they do NOT offer enough units of the major to be able to complete it (I still need to investigate my options on a second major... I may just be able to sneak through on that, but again need to look deeper) IF I can't go to that campus, I would need to commute to the city campus and while that doesn't worry me too much - the OP is much higher and I wouldn't get in without sitting for the STAT (adult test... all types of tests terrify me), a PCA and possibly previous work experience in the hopes that each would add marks to an entry level ranking. My other option is to complete the original course offered above which would (providing I pass with flying colours) give me a fairly decent entry level ranking which would just scrape me into my first preference AT the city campus - Yay! But. As I said - providing I can pass.

Tomorrow I will sign up to this diploma course and next year I will be diligently studying during school hours in the hopes that I can look at possible entry into Uni in 2013 or 2014... I'm not sure if it's entirely doable but I am allowing 2 years as worse case - just incase. I really want to do this. It's the first time in over a year I've had a fire in my belly about something. I think I can do it.

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Up until the last few weeks, I feel I have been lacking the oomph I used to have for life... I've over-compensated with everything I've done and there is only so much of me left and I have been spread pretty thin of late. Which is strange as I'm no longer at work and no longer answerable to someone else. I answer to me. I make my own rules and times. I'm just lacking my own internal time management. The last few weeks I've had bursts of energy (I think we can thank my acupuncturist for that... she's been doing a point in my tummy that promotes energy levels and I've been like a demon - running here, there and everywhere) with this added energy burst - I am starting to see the light (and it burns ;) my house is S.L.O.W.L.Y coming together, I'm extending myself to try new things - things I would generally leave for my husband to sort out and fix. My garden is up and running, in time for spring - I'm hoping for an abundance of vegetables to feed my family this year, I love that feeling of being a self provider. And I've re-discovered the joy in crafting. It's been far too long, but I've managed to actually FINISH (yes I know, pick yourself up!) some long overdue Work in Progresses, and start a few more. There's been knitting, Quilting and Sewing. Writing is back (incase you couldn't tell from these 2 last posts ;) LOL)

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I have been thinking a lot about blogging lately & have been reading many wrap up posts that were done after the recent bloggers conference in Melbourne. Surprisingly it doesn't interest me one iota to go to these conferences (I'd much rather fly to Melbourne or Sydney and meet up with good friends) but it has got me thinking about this blog and my other blogs and where I want them to head into the future... because lets face it, every Tom, Dick and Harry have a blog (or two) and I'm never gone be up there with the so called celebratory bloggers now am I? I mean really, how on earth do they achieve that title?

While I contemplate what I want from my blogging life, I have many pros and cons on each of my blogs and the only conclusion I can come to is to have this blog as my writing blog (minimal eye candy and just general life mutterings) Continuing on with my endometriosis and consequent health struggles and branching out a little. More writing exercises. Writing groups. Writing in general. This is where I want to develop the ME and the words I hold within. I want to be able to hit publish on half written posts and not feel I am in a fish bowl. I want to be able to be true to myself. I want to tell my story. Warts and all.

I am also weighing up my other blogs, which will remain the same for the remainder of the year. The more I think about it, the more I am seriously considering closing down the photography blog, or just participating in the Scavenger Hunt Sunday and perhaps posting photos of the course I need to get onto STRAIGHT AWAY!) I will wrap up the current 365 on the 31st December, 2011, much as I have loved participating this year... it has taken a lot out of me to (remember) to take the photo, upload them, blog them all for no comment (or occasionally a comment) I am half tossing around embarking on a 365 Gratitude Project (or happiness) which I will take with instax photos and put straight into a special book, I already started one of these last year, but didn't keep the momentum going as I was using digital prints and the taking, loading and printing was a PITA! Another pipe dream for the future... I will see how I feel after I get over this hurdle of the current 365. While I can see that it would be perfect for ME and totally needed considering my recent headspace, it may well be a project that is too big for me to handle. I want less commitments, more depth with the things I choose to do in my life. My crafty blog will remain as is for the interim. I will focus more in depth on the things in life that bring me enjoyment (like gardening, crafting, family & organising) I have been reading back on some of my posts over there and am happy with the direction that blog takes. It is my no-think, no drama publish blog. It is my happy place and it keeps me on the straight and narrow, though I have neglected to feel or see it for what it is over the past few months.


So there you have it - lots of changes in the works; lots of words to get down on paper. Lots of dreams still to have!



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