Tuesday, September 6, 2011

A small facebook rant

Without wanting to sound like a bitter old cow (& knowing that I probably will... I still hit publish)
I have a few small issues with Facebook. Where do I start? I like popping on several times a day and checking out my friends status updates. It's lovely to keep up with news from my home town, people I haven't seen in simply forever and seeing photos of friends and their children.

What I don't like... I don't like how Facebook has become the place to announce pregnancies, labours & births. Don't get me wrong, I do like that now-a-days we tend to find out a lot quicker than the old bush telegraph when someone pops a child out. And I do like to see scan photos of close friends and celebrate birth photos etc. What I don't like is people who use it to 'countdown their pregnancy' or better yet... another person's pregnancy.

Case 1 - I have just had to endure weeks and months from an old friend from school, counting down the weeks of her sisters Pregnancy. While I understand that they are all excited about it - it was a kick in the teeth to log in each week and see that 'such and such is 18 weeks and the baby now has feet' seriously. Now normally - I would let this just wash over me, walk away if I was feeling a little upset on that particular day :( but in this instance after the babes were born I've noticed (inadvertently) that this girl has de-friended me. Quite obviously she was doing a clean out and realised that just because we knew each other when we were 8, didn't mean we had to be friends now. That didn't bother me. What did bother me is that I spent the last 8 months reading these baby updates, each time feeling a teeny little pang deep within only to be ditched. WTF? I realise that we don't need to be friends with everyone in life and Facebook is no different. I'm just peeved that I didn't cull first (ok and maybe, just maybe I am a little weirded out that she ditched me... why be-friend only to de-friend - but that is another facebook rant for another day!)

Case 2 - I've met a lot of people online through various infertility forums and as we gradually grew away from those such forums (generally because we graduated) I have kept in touch with some over the years through Facebook. It is lovely to keep these connections because some of these girls were there for me during the hardest of times... but I have just noticed one such friend is now pregnant with number 2. Surprisingly - natural. As much as I am really happy for her as I know she is a fellow endometriosis sufferer, I can't help but feel totally bummed because each week she is updating her status about how many weeks she is now. I know she did struggle first time around and she has every right to be using Facebook as a countdown, I just can't help but think of the rules of online forums - be conscious of your fellow members who are still struggling to conceive and don't update on pregnancy after a certain scan / date (a bit harsh, but when you get to the long term forums it's a safe haven for members who don't need to be reminded of others success) I guess I still carry that thought process? Maybe it's all ME and my issues because really facebook is NOT a safe haven for the long term Infertiles.

I don't know - perhaps I am just too bitter. We don't know that Case 1 wasn't an IVF & possibly longed for pregnancy, maybe the family were excited beyond belief for this reason. We don't know all the background information & though I know it's a free world with freedom of speech & that everyone should be allowed to air whatever the heck they want on Facebook. I am just feeling a wee bit low and I guess a part of me still wishes it was me that could be putting those little updates up each week. Though I doubt I would. I am still very conscious of those of my friends online who are still struggling to conceive.

What do you think? Am I being too precious? Should I just suck it up and be thankful that not everyone struggles and can be outwardly happy about their pregnancy.   



1 comment:

Sarah Mac said...

You know what I think Car?

I think you have every right to feel the way you do.

I deactivated my Facebook a few weeks ago purely because of this kind of thing. I did message the people I consider real friends (as apposed to the social ones who probably won't notice anyway. I didn't want to unfriend, as you say, why friend in the first place if you do that?

Some people are always going to use FB in this way now and while I acknowledge they have a right to and it's impossible to consider everyones feelings ect, I do only really want news of my friends, not their extended friends and family.

If you've read some of my previous posts, you will know how I HATE the leading status update. Want to tell me something? Then TELL me already, I am NOT going to guess!

Umm, you might be begining to see why I deactivated :) It's not them it's me (and possibly you too) but we have a right to feel the way we do just as they have the right to post what the hell they want I guess.

I've just chosen right now not to see it and you know what? After being almost addicted for 2 years, I really dont miss it at all :) x