Friday, October 28, 2011

Write on Wednesday #20 I thought I saw...

Write On Wednesdays

Write On Wednesdays Exercise 20 Write the words " I thought I saw" at the top of your page. Set a timer for 5 minutes. Write the first words that come into your head after the prompt. Don't take you pen off the page (or fingers off the keyboard). Stop only when the buzzer rings! Do this exercise over and over if you wish. Write beyond 5 minutes if you like, you can link it up as an extra post.

I thought I saw Santa Clause. Footsteps stomping noisily down the hallway. Rolling my eyes to the sides, careful not to move my head lest the nurse come running, I caught a small glimpse of red. Tears filled my eyes, momentarily glazing my vision. One lone teardrop teetering upon my lashes, tumbled over and left a salty trail upon my temple before pooling in my ear. My vision cleared and everything was red. Santa in his bright red suit, snow white wiry beard stood peering down upon me and a smile of recognition twinkled in his eyes.

"We meet again little Rosie"

Smiling sweetly at the magical vision "Did my letter arrive santa? Please, please say you will give it to me for christmas!"

Confusion flickered across his face as he started to speak, but he was interrupted by a delicate whisper,

"My wish Santa. This Christmas I want to go home to my mum"


Claire said...

I thought this was really sweet, and touching, but the change of tense in the middle threw me off. All in all, a good job though.

No one said...

I loved the descriptions in this, 'One lone teardrop teetering upon my eyelashes' was just beautiful imagery! The change in voice from first person 'I' to third person 'she' is jolting and I had to read to twice to be sure I hadn't missed something. It's easily fixed though (I'd stick with first person in this story because it's more immediate and engaging). Well done!