Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Write on Wednesday #18 Make it Better

write on wednesday


A quick intro on this week's writing task! See more here!
The Write On Wednesday Rules: Get creative with the writing exercises - there isn't a right or wrong. Please do try to visit the other members of Write On Wednesdays and leave a comment of support and constructive criticism.


Write On Wednesdays Exercise 18 - Look through your previous WoW posts (or select a short writing piece that you would like to work on). Read through your piece carefully and let's attempt to make it better. Look for redundant words, cliches or overused phrases. Chop and change. This is not an exercise in word count, it's not about simply whittling it down. Make it a better piece of writing. Post your original and edited piece. THEN, throw it to the*wolves. Ask for advice from WoWers. With help you can make your writing shine. ** This article on criticism may help you get your brave on.

I have chosen to re-visit week 14 the Mighty, mighty Rewrite (see my original post here ) because I originally mis-understood the prompt and re-wrote the opening chapter to that particular book, NOT changing it to be my book. So here it is again following my weekly storyline!   


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My re-write...

It wasn't a very significant place, it could be easily missed at first glance. A one bedroom shack, built from local timbers in 1910; bare and tiny, with a faded sheet draped across the window and a rusted out wash tub residing in the corner. Florence herself old beyond her time, was welcoming of Agnes lingering in the modest doorway with a bag of potatoes and a jug of milk she had brought from her own farm further down the mountain.   

3 comments:

Stephanie said...

Your descriptions flow very well with the piece. Would love to know more about the characters Florence and Agnes. Great job!

spring days, new growth said...

i like the picture you are drawing! My only constructive comment is that it may read more clearly if you break up the longer sentences.
Kate

sars! said...

The descriptions are lovely but I agree with shorter sentences. I'd take more with a few breaks.