Monday, October 31, 2011

Write on Wednesday #21 When the Musics Over

Write On Wednesdays
Write On Wednesdays Exercise 21 Select a piece of music that reflects the mood of writing you'd like to aim for. Press play. Start free writing. Write the first words that come into your head. When the music's over, so is the writing. I'd recommend finding out how long the song is before you start the exercise. You may feel cheated in your writing time if you pick a song by The Ramones. Of course, if you feel like writing a short, punky piece by all means, go for it!

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As the opening instrumental riff began to play the familiar song, we stood together with the surging crowd, my arm your support and happiness seemed to beam from within your soul. As Neil serenaded us with your favourite tune “Cracklin’ Rosie”, you squeezed my arm with all of your strength (and let’s face it at 80 that isn’t a heck of a lot of strength) and you solemnly declared that He wrote this song just for you! Dancing and swaying, smiling and laughing we enjoyed our night out together.  Having waited so many years for Neil to come, we were so glad he came to Australia not long after your 80th Birthday.

Seven years later Neil returned to Brisbane and sadly you had already passed, but I went and tears prickled as he played your song. I think you were still there by my side, dancing and swaying. Smiling and Laughing.  

Song: Cracklin' Rosie by Neil Diamond 
Length: 3 mins. 
Notes: This was quite difficult. I felt the song was nearly over before it even began! This piece has been quickly edited to make it flow a little better.
Linking up with Gill at Ink Paper Pen  

7 comments:

Sarah Mac said...

This is lovely Car - I don't know if it's a real story, it feels real.

Lillie McFerrin said...

This piece is tender and real. I'm with Sarah, it feels real. Like a cherished memory. Nice job!!

TV said...

Such soft emotions. So much nostalgia, you brought out so much feeling from one song.

Rain said...

Like the others, I find this piece is very sweet -- 'tender' might be the right word for it. Reminds me a little of Closer (my love) by Entwine because it's written from the point of view of an elderly person and for their beloved one, but this has its own feel and is original. Not sure I love the bit in parentheses, but otherwise this is extremely good.

By the way, it's lovely when two people are still so deeply in love with each other at that age. =)

/ Rain

Melinda Chapman said...

What a rich picture of love and this couple's story - in only a few minutes! I think you did a great job of teasing out the details of the memory in a nostalgic way, and then leaving us quite squarely in the pain of her reality. The change to simple/fragmented sentence structures at the end did this for me.

I did find that in the parenthesis section I forgot where I was and what tense it was in. But I love the sentiment. It could be because there's 4 [really nice] parts to that sentence... but without much of a breather. ;)
But hey, it's 3 minutes, and these are flow of consciousness pieces... so as usual - any editing comments are just food for thought... :)

yougotsars said...

so very sweet... a perfect little post and sometimes those are the best kind.

InkPaperPen said...

Oh I have goosebumps! Lovely piece. Car, you are coming on in leaps and bounds, your writing is getting stronger. Lovely use of just 3 minutes. You connected with the readers and presented a tied up little piece. Gorgeous.
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