It's been a while since I stopped by, I'm hoping now that school is back I will get more opportunity to sit and write because I really do miss it. As much as I'd hoped to squeeze some study and writing in over the Christmas break, it didn't eventuate with my small snippets of time spent sewing and crafting instead... not that I'm complaining, I had missed those activities too.
However the hiding out and procrastinating must stop now, Sarah Mac has called me on it by tagging me with a meme which I will try and get to at some stage - make sure you remind me Sarah!
Life has been relatively calm in the past few months, after the hype that was Christmas; I found myself wracked with a dreadful head cold (almost of man-flu proportions) and I opted for rest and relaxation and plenty of it. So much of it in fact I found it hard to get back into the swing of things.
The end of January marked my baby girls first ever day at school - or Prep - which is what it's known of in Queensland. For those non Qld'ers, Prep is the year before Year 1 - held within the school grounds they wear the same uniform & lunch with the bigger kids. Curriculum is learning based with play (totally different to what my year before year one was, way back when...) and already after 2 weeks I can see a change in my little girl. I have never pushed her to 'know' certain things and I have always let her work at her own pace (my theory being if she takes her time to learn, she won't get bored and burn out in the later years of schooling, like I did) so whereas most of the kids in her year were already writing their own names I indulged her with dotting the way (i.e. putting dots in the shape of letters and she wrote over the top.) The night before BIG School, she worriedly asked me what they would be learning and doing while they were there and I told her a basic outline of all they would be doing. She piped up in a small voice, but I can't write my name by myself. *sigh* at that moment, I sort of wish I had pushed the envelope with that learning, but I told her it would be fine and if she didn't know then she just had to ask the teacher, thinking this through she said "If Miss xxx puts dots under it, I will be right mum" Yes you will little girl, yes you will. Low and behold, less than 8 days at school and she comes home proud as punch and proceeds to write her name... EVERYWHERE. I am so proud. She will go far my little girl.
This School thing is a huge adjustment for us all. As you know I left my old job several months back in preparation for this moment, becoming a Stay at home mum whose child is off to school. Unlike the majority of school mums who still have kiddies at home, I don't which means my little time frame, the few hours between school drop off and school pick up are entirely mine to do with as I will. An average of 5.5hours each and every week day. I expected a small pang as I approached this moment, you know the one where most mums go back and pop out another because they are all lonely at home by themselves? Yet there's been nothing, no pang to speak of. Perhaps it will come in a few months when we are ensconced into our new roles and boredom starts to settle in. Perhaps then, I will yearn for another.
Which makes me wonder, am I recovered? Have I managed to pull myself out of that dark place I was in and see that not everything in this world revolves around having more children? My pain of being unable to fall pregnant appears to have eased, I have grieved my non-existant future children for 12 months now. At the other side, I am at peace and able to coincide with our decision. It's taken me a bloody long time to get to this point, several forks in the road to sway my thoughts but I seem to have found my yellow brick road. It's a rickety old path and I'm sure it's filled with potholes and rubble, but for now at this moment in time, I'm happy to take my time and wander on in a leisurely pace.
Our lives have changed, no longer do days span out in front of me and my babe to do what we will. Go on spur of the moment adventures, fight with the shopping trolley (and more often than not each other) drop everything and go to the beach. Mum's group, play dates and nights away. Everything now needs to revolve around School. From Monday to Friday our lives will be making sure we are in the car by 8:15am and again at 2:35pm in order not to miss that School bell. No longer can we sleep in for 'just another 5 minutes' or lazily take our time on the couch. Watching TV. Using the iPad. Life just got hectic and in a way it's like returning to work. All our leisure time will now be reserved for weekends. Adventures will need to happen on our holidays. So far it's not such a bad thing, I'm sure time will come when I get a bit jack of driving to the Island and back twice a day. Already in the 2nd week I found myself exhausted by weeks' end and my hubby sort of laughed until I said to him in reality when I take into account 20 mins drive to and from, plus the settling in etc, I'm in the car for 2 hours a day. It's a lot of travel when you've been sitting on your backside the past 6 months. I'm not usually perturbed by travel, I grew up in the country and my first few years at work were at places over an hour from home. Travel by road doesn't bother me too much. I learnt young. When we moved here, it would take me a minimum of 40 mins to get to work and again in the afternoon. Personally I know I will get used to it, I just need a small window of adjustment.
My days have been filled with coffee dates, work, sewing, writing, cleaning. It's been a fun couple of weeks and I am still adjusting to the new times. With less hours each day I need to be more vigilant about taking my time with things. For example having a four hour coffee date last week wasn't the smartest as it was time to head back to the School just after I returned home. I will get there eventually, but for now I'm taking small steps - and I'm enjoying the process as I do.