Monday, April 16, 2012

Neglected… and waiting

I haven't posted for a long time now. While I originally had planned to blog during March and share my story, something happened at the end of February that threw me backward a few steps and left me questioning where I'm actually at (and I was not where I had clawed myself to previously) and where I'm going from here. So often when we find ourselves at a cross-road, we question the way forward and whether it will be the right path to take. I questioned which path, I dilly-dallied and waited for the answer to come to me to save me making that choice and in the mean time everything became neglected. Neglect and waiting. Seems to be two things I'm ace at these days!

I am an all or nothing kinda person; once I get it in my head to try something I become super obsessed with that one thing! November last year it was writing my Nan's story for NaNoWriMo, the start of last year was my "photo-a-day" I got stuck into my photography and I really enjoyed it, whereas this year appears to be all about the quilting. While I could say there appears to be no happy medium between them, it would be wrong of me to say because I am happy, so happy when I'm doing any or all. Where I fall down is when I can't find the time to fit it all in and that is what my life became when we started this new thing they call "school mumma" I had weeks ahead of me to do whatever my heart desired and while yes I did manage to churn out 4 quilts among other various craft related items, I barely managed to pick up my camera or my pen. For me that is unheard of! I could beat myself up about not making my writing a priority (or my photography) for that matter, but I refuse to put that sort of pressure on myself when in reality I know it will come, when it's good and ready.

One thing I have learnt from the first term is I need to prioritise myself slightly better. I let a few people down (my husband for not getting the house ship-shape (though after the school holidays it looks like my house was perfecto in term 1, post holidays not so much! I was stretched tight. I blamed lack of time bitterly - I just couldn't see past it to work out that I could make the change, less time complaining & more time doing you know? So I felt pressured. By people around me and by own doing. I fudged my way through and it wasn't entirely pretty, but I'm here at the start of a new term and the hours, days and weeks span out ahead of me once more, I know what I need to do now to make it all work and yes, somethings will fall to the way side - but I need to make it work more for my own sanity!

Today is day 1 of term 2 and already I've managed to clean my floors, scrub some socks, wash 2 loads, run DH into Brisbane for Op No 2 and complete a short story (& start prepping the third part of my 2nd assignment) March is now gone; what happened (or in my case… did not) in March can stay there! April is here and I am marching forward to the next assignment - I can do this, I just need to stop making excuses about time & start doing!

One thing that has occurred to me is that my course is about writing (my other course is photography) and to limber up for that I need to write more. It is the one thing I tend to push to the back of my mind thinking I best not blog here because the time could be better spent writing my course assignments. But you know what? I need to write here (and elsewhere) because the more writing I do the easier it is for my assignments to flow. I've felt rather stilted trying to get this short story written and while I'm still not convinced it is the right one to submit and may decide to re-write something completely different it has gotten me writing once more. So I'm back for the interim - I won't promise it will be scintillating reading (because it probably won't be) but I'll be about.

1 comment:

Sarah said...

I'm glad you're back Car - like you say, that was then, this is now.

Fitting it all in can be hard sometimes, I've had a bit of a break and I'm still struggling but I miss my blog and my blog buddies so I'm going to put a bit more time into it. x