We knew it was coming. Yet for some crazy reason I had it in my head that I would be 40 before having to face the decision. Reading back over previous posts, I have alluded to the Big H previously. Based on family history and with my own history it is no big surprise that this major operation WILL be on the cards. It's pretty much a given. Even the specialist agreed with me during one of my appointments for this previous operation.
However to actually have it mentioned to you (not me mentioning it, the Doctor bought it up) and then saying that it would probably be the best option for me. Well it smacked. A great big red welt, stunning my heart into spasms once more.
I'm not averse to the operation itself. I'm averse to having to consider it at my age.
I am really perturbed that this option is thrown when I'm only 34 (okay well I've turned 35 since writing this post, it's been languishing in the drafts folder for some months)
This solution has been running around the peripherals of my mind since my last appointment. A range of emotions stifled as I (still, 3 months later) push it to the back of my mind. For me, right now it's the best I can do. I can't face making that decision now nor can I even consider it as an option at this stage of my life. It feels like just yesterday I was desperately wanting to add another baby to our life. It's taken me the better part of 12 months (and a tonne of therapy) to come to grips with that decision and at times I still waver and let my mind wonder 'what if'
I know in my heart of hearts this was just another option from the Doctor - a GP at best. It will be my only option in the future. But It's not a TODAY option. Heck it probably isn't even a THIS YEAR option. It's just an option. One that was thrown about but mentioned twice, leaving me feeling as though maybe I'm just whinging too much and this is the Doctors way of a quick fix to get me out of their rooms quicker?
My head tells me I'm being stupid. Why would they throw about an option like that?
It's all very confusing as to what they are saying and what they aren't saying.
For now I've decided to manage my pain with the help of my acupuncturist. I am not currently taking any extra hormones (nor am I willing to into the future) I am feeling so good at the moment, it's taken me 6 months to get 5 months of the pill out of my system. Yes the endometriosis is horrid at times, but the alternative wasn't much better for me. At this stage even though my GP suggested it, I won't be returning to the Specialist. My referral is for 12 months (from February) I am almost positive that when I do finally return to the specialist I will be in all sorts of trouble for defying their suggestions, but at the end of the day - this is MY body. MY life. MY decision.