Sunday, August 26, 2012

{Blush} a five sentence fiction prompt

Lillie McFerrin

Like a wallflower, she sat alone as her cousins departed one by one to dance with the dashing soldiers.
Patiently waiting, a vision in white and red she tapped her foot in tune to the music.
Standing still across the room, he was mesmorised by her dark hair and pale complexion.
Their eyes met and she blushed prettily, her cheeks burning under his direct gaze.
He walked toward her, determined this time would be his to dance with this mysterious girl.


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Linking up with Lillie McFerrin this week, not entirely happy with this one, it feels too stilted! I have big plans for the month ahead - stick around (& hope I can stick to the plan!)


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

4 comments:

Wayne Assiratti said...

You know, I didn't think it was stilted at all. I got a real Gone with The Wind thing from this too. I know we are our harshest critics, but its important to put your stuff out there and see what others think. You may be surprised.

Cheers,

W.

LittleWhiteDove said...

I like it, but I can see why you would be unhappy, it IS good, but also not quite your usual style. xx

Sandra Crook said...

This was an appealing depiction of a moment in time. I think maybe the sentences being of similar length might lead you to think of it as stilted.

Lisa Shambrook said...

I liked the simplicity of the piece, showing just the moment and nothing more. Beautiful.