Monday, September 10, 2012

{Memories} a five sentence fiction prompt

Lillie McFerrin

The bright sun a searing heat against her bare shoulders, the scorching pain trivial against her shattered heart as she watched them lower the coffin.

Her memories all that remained as she bade her final farewell, words left unspoken, willing her to hear them wherever she now may be.

Only last month they had sat together at her vanity with its tarnished scalloped edged mirror; their reflections staring back happily as they talked of times now lost.

The young girl watched herself with an older woman, her dark brown locks against pure white.

The older woman glimpsed a young girl, a silhouette of her soldier standing tall behind her his hand resting lightly upon her shoulder.

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Linking up with Lillie again this week for Five Sentence Fiction. THIS piece was difficult. The original picture shared with the prompt set me off on a tangent (the old seeing themselves as they once were) but then the ghostly apparition appeared in my words almost like a a premonition to the beginning of the piece and that's why I feel it might be a little back to front. I don't know - what do you think? Perhaps I'm over thinking it a little as this started out as a memory of my late Nan and is a creative take on a conversation we once had.

Constructive Criticism welcomed.

 

8 comments:

Honoré said...

The power of memories, the image perduring, a strong evocation, beautifully written :)

Sandra Crook said...

I thought it worked beautifully. Well done.

Sarah said...

Beautiful Car, evocotive and heartwarming rather than sad as it might have been. It didn't feel back to front to me although I can see that it would have worked either way round.

mjshorts said...

A beautifully told story in just five sentences. Well done.

LittleWhiteDove said...

I love it Miss Car. big hugs to you, I bet your nanny would be proud as punch xx

Lisa Shambrook said...

I enjoyed your take on it and you conjured up some lovely images of the past amongst the living!

Lillie McFerrin said...

That's a truly powerful image you created so vividly! Beautiful job!!

Sarah said...

Thank you for your lovely comment on my post Car - I was feeling pretty low when I wrote it and very tired. I've decided to remove the post because that's not really what I'm about and I do care a great deal about my blog. A lovely friend passed me a blog award yesterday and it (along with your comment) reminded me how much I love this blog world so I'm going to stick around. Thank you, mwah xx