I managed a whopping 2 blog entries during September. Two small writing prompts and those two entries were about the extent of all my hard work in the writing arena. I just couldn't write.
I was lamenting to a friend that September and I don't see eye to eye as it's the month that my Nan passed away and I had been feeling a little sad approaching the 3year mark. Upon looking back I don't think this was the case, sure I was sad. I really did struggle to write anything ALL month (but then if I'm honest with myself I was otherwise occupied with pulling my house into shape)
I think the biggest problem was I burnt out during August and CampNaNoWriMo. I only wrote 15,000 words (bringing my total story up to over 30,000 words) which in terms of NaNoWriMo could be considered pretty weak ;) but considering my words are that of a sad story; a story so sad, it's hard to comprehend just how the characters managed to put one foot in front of the other - I mean I couldn't cope last year when life dealt me a shitty hand. These people. My Ancestors. They lived with these problems for YEARS.
I spent 2 nights in hospital and was a basket case before and felt even worse after it.
My beautiful Nan spent 7 years in Hospital. An hours drive in todays' standards took her mother all day just to visit.
I can drive into Brisbane and back home - it takes me an hour each way; I have done this in the past 5/6 days a week without complaint. I am able to do so with the way of today's travel. Back then, it was near impossible. Money was scarce. Trips to visit her ONLY daughter every few months a common occurance.
During August I reached a cross road in my storyline. It broke apart and I have been left wondering how to approach it in the solitary sense. I find myself with a little girl seemingly abandoned in hospital. A heartbroken mother living a full days journey away. I have struggled to work a seamless approach into this new section and it still languishes in the hopes I can bring it back on board come November and NaNoWriMo.
I also couldn't take the sadness anymore. I had to step away and focus on other characters in the book because I was beginning to feel how only a mother can feel. I have an ONLY daughter. I've not spent more than 2 nights away from her at a time and both times she was with her daddy. She has only ever stayed over at her Nanna's house a handful of times and when I say a handful I mean ONE hand - you do the math.
I'm relatively new to this book writing business but one thing I've found that enough words in, you start to live and breathe your characters. You feel what they feel. You cry when they do. You shout with anger when they do. And when their hearts break, so to does yours.
Its been a harrowing ride, yet I soldier on with it because it's a beautiful story (well I think it is) and I think it's one that deserves to be told. And the reason for this is that little girl, the one who suffered so. She went on to live a full and happy life despite her "disabilities". She lived LIFE and she loved LIFE. Her existence burned a mark on my heart and I suppose this is my way of giving back to someone who gave me so much of herself.