Saturday, December 1, 2012

#reverb12… day 1

Kat who blogs over at I saw you dancing has been hosting the reverb meme these past couple of years and I've always earmarked them to return to after the Crazy that is Christmas and subsequently never got around to doing any of them, let alone finding the time to re-read them.

This year I decided to take the bull by the literal horn and really sit and think about the answers (like because I REALLY need to add MORE in my already overstuffed life *sarcasm*) but also because it gives me an excuse to write here more regularly ;) I've really missed this little space… so without further adieu.   

How are you starting this last month of 2012?

Take a moment, close your eyes, take a deep breath and ask yourself the question: how do you feel...

... in your body? in your mind? in your day job? in your creative life? in your heart?

December 2012 snuck up behind the proverbial and has me held firmly within its grip. I am struggling to take a step back and re-live but one more day of November so I can feel better prepared as I jump face first into this final and somewhat CRAZY month that is December AND Christmas.

I feel anxious.

Which is strange in itself because I LOVE Christmas. It's not to say I love Christmas any less, I just feel that as each year goes by the anxiety over this month becomes even more compressed and condensed and I feel both swept up in the magic and joy, but cast aside by my own admissions.

I suppose this is an age thing. As each new Christmas approaches, I am one year older. Time no longer drags to get here. Time speeds by until you blink and you miss it. Suddenly you find yourself staring down the barrel of Christmas Eve and realising that you've forgotten the Cranberry Sauce (even though you bought the Turkey WAY BACK in October) and you end up paying an arm and leg for a small jar from the corner store.

Each new Santa photo reveals more wrinkles than the one before, a wiser face stares back and you think of all you know now that you didn't know LAST Christmas.

As we age, so to our parents. Each year they creep ever so slower into that age bracket that to us as young-uns was 'old' but it's not really. You see more grey hair. More wrinkles. And each year there seems to be one less to celebrate with. To give. To love. To be with.

And our children. Age before our eyes. In a blink of an eye they have gone from crying babies to little girls who are no longer afraid to talk to Santa and could easily pose for a photo by themselves (except that her Crazy Christmas mumma insists on jumping in on each photo!)

So my mind is anxious. My body is tired. Everything feels topsy-turvy and though I know I will manage to pull it all together like I do every year. I needed this moment tonight to reflect on all that's been and all that will come.

For now I shall leave and take several deep breaths as I bring in this new final month of 2012, I will watch as my daughter sleeps soundly. Pat my old dog while he snores and farts on the couch. Smile at my dearest as we share a block of chocolate and watch some inane movie on the box. And I shall sleep a mothers sleep and leave the Crazy till tomorrow.      


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