Today is 1st June and that means it is the first day of winter AND the start of JuNoWriMo. I sit here with a severe case of cold feet. Both figuratively and literally.
I don't know what's wrong with me? I have been so excited, so keen to kick off the 1st June with a bout of daily writing. Putting down an average of 1667 words. every. single. day. So excited in fact I didn't stop to think - when?
When do I find the time in a schedule that is ALREADY bursting at the seams. My house is neglected, my real day job is piling up around me due to missing days for sickness and my course studies are eating into every spare moment I have left. The sewing machine sits neglected gathering dust and crafting, apart from a few colourful journal pages mocks me from afar.
I can't move in my room I call my study and I am slowly falling under all that overwhelms me. When I feel like this I need to stop and take stock.
Yesterday after madly completing yet another tutorial for my Creative Writing course, ideas still buzzing through my head, I raced over to the Island to pick up Miss 5 and headed to Ballet classes. When I finally sat and had time to think, only one thought hit me "I am being crazy"
"PLEASE, Please, please… talk me out of contemplating JuNoWriMo this month. I feel my time would be better spent studying for my writing course. I can always attempt NaNoWriMo come November" says I to the computer screen.
"Great Idea! Lets call it CarJuWriCoMo" says the lone computer screen.
A few more messages back and forth and it was settled, I felt I could walk away guilt free from this crazy challenging notion. The next few months I will be spending my spare time attempting to finish my assignments.
I am hopeful in these precious months I will continue to learn new ideas to novel writing, plotting and planning. Yesterdays tutorial opened my eyes in a way I'd never thought possible. It showed me ways to design a building for my novel, rather than build first, create a plan for it later. So I'm stepping back. Cold feet not withholding to continue studying and soaking up every possible bit of information and knowledge I can on all things writing.
With the bones of my story half buried in a hypothetical archaeological waste land, I intend to spend the next few months deviating ways to brush back the sand and re-build the storyline from the bottom up.
Because inside me a light flickers and I know I can do this; and I think I can do it well.
However right now - for my own self preservation - I need to know I'm doing it the right way for ME. And my for characters as they deserve to be portrayed correctly.
I have to admit that it was a balancing act with my decision. The need to write my story, to develop it with more words was great, but greater still is the need to learn while I can and weave my tale into one of beauty. At the end of the day, I know that my story line has strength - if I am to do it any justice then it needs the correct bones to connect all the dots and for that I need to learn more, research more and most of all be patient.