Thursday, June 13, 2013

I Have Confidence

Somewhere between last week and this week - I have completely LOST my confidence. 

Losing confidence for me, means a whopping big welcome to my anxiety… and well its not been pretty! 

While lacking confidence can actually enrich other areas of my life - the important stuff gets shoved further and further down the list and I fast become overwhelmed. Incapable of seeing clearly enough - where to start. 

So I've taken small steps. To gain back my confidence and keep stepping in the right direction. 

Step one. Purchase a brand new Moleskine 18month Diary

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All because I got an email from Notemaker with *new stock* and because I already have two weekends away booked in for 2014 and I needed somewhere to write them. Yes I know I *could* have written them into my computer calendar - but where's the fun in that? 

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A little cute washi tape & perhaps the control has gone a little too far - planning 18 months in advance? IN MY DEFENCE - I created a diary for this year it took me months to draw up and plan - when this one popped up it was all kinds of Awesome and it can be used horizontally as well as landscape. Perfect for my needs. Right now.

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Step Two. Open my daily diary and journal my feelings.

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I have let my daily writing fall to the wayside. It began to get tedious until a light bulb moment on the weekend with the help of this blog post made me realise that my writing has come full circle and I am now entering transition mode. No longer am I able to write word after word upon a page, without prettying it up a little. If I continued down the path of just words, I daresay it would take me years to fill this particular journal and considering its been on my desk for more than 2 years already - something had to change. I finally feel I have a direction with it. Who knows - maybe it will all fall over next week and it will return to gather dust - maybe this new phase will keep me going. All I know is it is giving me a chance to delve into my worries. And be a little creative with them. 

Addressing the worries - I am a firm believer that words when written down can ease the pressures of the mind. By stating my lack of confidence here on this page, I have forced myself to accept that this is but a phase and I have already done as it says and picked up my camera. I am also now aware that my issues with confidence and shying away from my camera over the past week is because I feel overwhelmed in having to take and collate 50+ pictures for my course over the next few months. The thought of it is freaking me out. Being able to write about it - gives me the confidence to start again.

Creativity - I have been missing my creativity these past few months. With my head down bum up studying has been at the forefront of my mind. I have been studying 3 days each week in order to finish these tutorials. By focusing so much energy into study. Other areas are lacking. Work - which is nearly at the point of needing a second day each week. Housework - I'm flat out keeping the surface clean; let alone tackling the big chores like windows. Crafty life - is non-existent. Apart from a little crochet each night, I have barely done anything. I yearn to have a sewing day. A day of painting. A day to create. Anything really.   

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Step three - Take a MRD (mental rest day) 

127 Sunset on Bribie

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So I didn't go here. Though I should have; probably would have had it not been raining. I took a self indulgent day of rest earlier this week (after waking at 3:30am; I was shattered and my body was shaky and not playing nice) I decided to just rest my mind. 

A pleasant day spent on the couch, watching chick flicks and surfing Facebook. 

Some journalling. 

It has been good for my soul. I am refreshed and I'm ready to tackle the coming weeks with CONFIDENCE. and my Camera. 

(you will need to go to you-tube to view this video) 

1 comment:

Kylie said...

Be kind to yourself. I am so glad to have met you - you are truly one of the loveliest people I have ever met.