Today marks four years since you left us. As I lay in bed this morning at the exact same time I received that phone call four years ago, I remembered how I felt that day. Before I even picked up the phone that morning, I knew you were gone. Almost as though you had visited me during the night in my dreams, I understood we had said our goodbyes and it was your time. This morning felt a little surreal being awake at the same time and knowing that no phone call would come. Nor could I just pick up the phone and call you.
And it is that little fact that I miss the most. I miss not being able to ring you when I feel like it. I miss not being able to come visit you and drink tea - black tea, because we all know you were prone to leaving the milk out in a small jug. The same as you did the butter. Even on the hottest of hot days. What was with that?
Today I am wordless. I woke and wanted to write something to acknowledge this day, but words are lost to me. As are you. After four years I needed something grand and ostentatious because I believe you would like that - expect it even.
Yet I sit here, staring at a blank screen and my vocabulary is severely lacking and I yearn to write about how much you meant to me. How much I learnt from being in your life. How much I simply miss you.
They remain empty words. Hollow, meaningless words that don't sum up the magnitude of how I am feeling today.
So I have decided that I will say nothing at all. I will remember you fondly and I will think of you as I do most days. And I will miss you like crazy; heck I might even go and make myself a black tea in a good china cup for old times sake as I raise my cup to you in memory. And I will crank up Neil and I will remember you and your crazy, gorgeous face. Remember the good times we shared and the laughs we had.
You will never be forgotten.