I'm feeling a little like Alice today. Like I've fallen down a rabbit hole into the great unknown.
Unlike Alice my rabbit hole isn't filled with magical wonders and happy smiling cats. Mine is a little claustrophobic with a to-do list whizzing past, that I can't seem to capture and tether them to where I want them to land.
More than likely this general feeling of malaise can be contributed to the return to School routine after 6 long weeks (that incidentally flew by far to quickly!) I don't adapt to change as well as I used to. Hindsight says I should have given myself time out last week just to be, to find my feet and then hit the ground running this week. But No. I do it ass about. Every. Single. Time. I hit the ground running last week (a short week too - mind you) and I found myself staring at my study books on Wednesday and subsequently tearing my hair out because I could not concentrate. No words would penetrate my brain. I couldn't seem to tie up all the loose ends and make a cohesive pattern to all the technical terms I was seeing.
All those words - they all linked in together - somehow, but I was aghast at how to get my brain off neutral and make sense of them. I felt stupid and of course my head cottoned onto this and beat upon my confidence. So instead of just sitting and writing (which is what I *should* have done) I bandied back and forward and told myself I would never get through the remainder of this course in the next 6 months. Throw in a work day between all that and I felt shattered.
Friday, I looked at it with renewed vigour and found a way that made the words make sense. Suddenly I could feel the confidence seeping back in and a little feeling that all would be awesome this year resurfaced.
Then today happened. Today I awoke and started mentally listing ALL the jobs I needed to do. I wrote the list in my diary and it grew longer and longer by the minute. Meanwhile the study books sat upon the desk screaming for attention. I had every intention to get up and run through the day and my list. I would do the shopping and errands, clean the house, hit the study books, blog a little and create something in ALL my spare time. Then I realised I wouldn't have any spare time if I attempted to cram it all in. So I took a deep (by now very shaky & rattly) breath and decided I couldn't do it ALL today. I needed to prioritise or else spend my next month endlessly chasing my tail.
Today I chose three things to focus upon.
Today I am surviving the basics. Tomorrow I will hit the ground running and tomorrow I will conquer my epic to-do list.