A Quick Note: I am trying to make this blog a little more cohesive in its approach and in striving to find the balance between my dreams and my health. So that my writer friends can find posts easily and those that wish to follow my health journey can bypass the ones I natter about writing. Sounds like a good plan right?
Today I'm starting by kicking off a new weekly post. Introducing "Wednesday Health Watch" admittedly it would sound SO much better if it was Wednesday Wealth Watch but truthfully all the wealth is going toward the health so... yeah!
In a nutshell, because we all know how much I like to contain my words to bare minimum word counts... I thought I might share a small moment of my health each Wednesday. It has been some time since I wrote without fearing what others thought. While I don't miss the feelings I had when I began this blog, I do miss the raw depth my writing was able to reach back in those early days. When I re-read a passage and it still managed to hit a nerve - I know I've written something phenomenal.
A few weekends ago a beautiful friend managed to touch a raw nerve within me (in a good way) and it has been at the back of my mind since then. However I can't articulate my thoughts on that conversation today; I am smack bang stuck in the midst of a hormonal surge and as such any small thing makes me cry or scream with rage.
If you don't believe me - you are more than welcome to ask the long suffering husband, who just moments ago was searching for the new jar of Jam in the bottom of the cupboard.
"Look up," I say.
"No look up. Look up. LOOK UP. If you'd bloody* listen to me I wouldn't have to bloody* well raise my voice," I practically screech.
To which he yelled back at me and I duly broke down in tears (okay well they were fake tears - but still - I didn't resort to yelling back at him. Which in my eyes, considering the lay of the land the past few days is a Bonus!)
*Swear words totally inserted for drama re-enactment.
Actually no, the swearing did happen... though it may have not have been a little less than what I noted here.
Is it obvious by now that on the hormone side - things have not improved one iota. In the past few months I have been tracking the mood swings - partly so I have a visual to show my Doctor next month. I need her to see that this is NOT normal. I want her to help me find a path forward - especially now that I am willing to actually discuss taking that next step.
I have a bottle of balancing pills in the cupboard & I know they do help with my mood swings, I just struggle to remember to take them daily. Right this second I am off to set an alarm on my phone. much as I absolutely loathe the side effects that come with swallowing these pills; when you rise from bed in the morning not knowing whether you will be Dr Jekyll or Mr Hyde for the day - it makes sense to at least try and endure.
Each morning the husband opens one eye and waits for me to report on how the day will lie before he is willing to open his mouth and speak.
What sort of life is that to be living? Or living with (in his case.)