Friday, October 30, 2015

Overwhelmed and NaNo

This week has been busy.

A merry go round if computer issues saw me receive an upgrade just in time for NaNo.

A couple of solid days work catching up in preparation for a busy month ahead.

Falling over boxes of stuff that need to be packed away OR decluttered.

Neglecting the housework in favour of printing Writing Inspiration from Pinterest.

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Yet I sit here today, on the eve of 2015 NaNoWriMo and I am quietly quaking. I have more than enough inspiration to write NaNo several times over.

For some reason I am nervous, which is crazy. Either I do it and win. Or I try it and lose. And really losing isn't such a big thing as long as I get words down right?

Today I could have spent the past two hours in practice or planning. Yet I have nothing in me. I have not picked up a pen and rather I have wasted procrastinated by googling all the things.

I am armed with an empty Novel Planner. Freshly printed pages awaiting my messy writing as I scrawl notes and add relevant information. There are pages in it that I will need more of, but I can print them out as I pace myself through the coming month.

A fear binds me to the ground. I want this month to go well but I cannot allow myself to burn out. The time has come where I want to make this a priority. I want to be able to say I am a writer and I spend xxx amount of days - writing. I am at the point where I want to write, then I berate myself because I do not prioritise it and then I tell myself that I am NOT a writer and I obviously do not want this as badly as I think I do.

Earlier this week I read a quick article via Twitter - you can read it here of how Kate Forsyth writes. If you follow the blog link, there is a series of writers sharing how they write on it. I think it is the simplicity of treating writing like it is a job. Of fronting up and actually doing rather than flittering about (which I am prone to do)

And it is about simplicity.

I think I add in far too many complex steps when I simply need to write.

So that's where my head is at today. I am on the verge of a gigantic canyon wanting to swallow me hole and I am dancing on the edge scared of what lies beneath.

I am about to take that leap and well... hold your breath for me. I will be back next week with news of success or sobbing in loss.  



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