Around and around I wrote about my complete and utter lack of self control where new projects are concerned and I worried about how life is passing me by and why have I not accomplished anything to date.
All of this could be triggered by a quote a friend shared
"Give someone a book,
they'll read for a day.
Teach someone to write a book...
and they'll spend a life-time mired in
paralysing self doubt."
How can I be everything when enough just seem to be enough?
After the mental mind purge this morning, I moved into my craft room and I began mindlessly glueing pages in yet another journal that I promised myself 2 days previous, I would not START until I finished at least one journal. Motivated in all the wrong areas.
I began making marks. Writing Words. Thinking, scrawling thoughts and thinking some more. Swirling words and thought, it became clear I am at my most productive and focused when I was keeping a blog. My blog was my accountability partner. I have been lost without it and every damned time I started writing another post the self doubt kicked my butt and told me to back away slowly.
Months have passed. Not only have I not opened this blog. Nor have I written anything at all. I itch to get back in touch with my imaginary creatures in my head. To write about things I know and to research and write about things I don't.
I yearn for ink stained fingers (side note: they are actually ink stained right now... cause some dumbo stood my favourite fountain pen cap down and there is pigeon blue ink EVERYWHERE!)
I want to watch the words dance and shimmer across my pages.
I want to make friends with characters who may not always be who they appear.
I want to create worlds far more interesting than the one we inhabit now.
Simply I want to write.
And so I shall. I say "eff you to my paralysing self doubt."