Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Other side of the coin

As I had previously mentioned, I am a long term blogger however THIS blog I created under a different user account so that I can maintain some annonyminity (yes perhaps I still feed the need to hide, but I do want to share... if I can help one person on their own personal endo journey by providing information, know how, comfort to just know that there is at least one other person out there who 'gets it' something I myself have lacked... then I am doing something right) However I have to wonder just who it is I want to remain annonymous to? I have already given links to a couple of people and started to comment on a few blogs under this user name, but for the time being, I will not blatantly link this blog from my craft blog (however you can find my craft blog by following my 'follower' link over there on the right - see that ONE person who does follow LOL)  and I think that is purely because I have family and friends (IRL) who do read my crafty shenanigans, I guess I am not ready for them to witnes the full extent of my pain nor am I ready to have them thinking I'm about to sink into the depths of despair when truthfully... yes I am in pain, but it's not every waking second of every single day. I hit lows during different times of the month (& more often than not it's bought on by a bout of stress from work or other such issues) but after a day or so I bounce back. Yes I always carry a small piece of me that aches, but on the whole I am ok!!!

So I've established that I am not ready to share my blog with family or friends, but what of my other more regular readers of my blog? Well that I'm still undecided on... the ones who have reached out and queried small titbits of info I leave trailed amongst the threads of my sewing are the ones who have been given access (HI!) with warnings - this blog is not the fluffy fabric goodness of my other blog, this one is my most thoughts of all that is whirring though my pretty little head.

I love my fluffy blog and I wanted to keep it that way, but it begs the question - am I being untrue to myself when I seem all roses & fun over there and avoid divulging on this other side of me, one that I feel the need to keep under a cloak of darkness and hide from prying eyes?
Perhaps I am overthinking the whole issue. My life is generally pretty fantastic, YES I do have every day stresses, but we have worked bloody hard to get where we are, we were gifted with an extraordinary little girl who both mesmerises us & terrifies us on a daily basis. I truly do love my lot in life, but this tiny small part of me is struggling and it needs an outlet.

Over there is my heads, right here is the tails (the tail end, the crappy part if you may) and here is the place I make head nor tail of ME.

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