Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Circles & Anxiety

** beware... this post has no rhyme or reason, tis just some random thoughts rushing through the brain & I needed to get it out **
The last few days I've felt myself going round and round in circles, my anxiety is building and I'm getting really, really nervous. I feel I'm losing control over the situation and when this happens I tend to over-compensate in order to keep some semblance of control. So while I'm out of action next week, I am trying to prepare as much as possible before hand, but I'm on a loop and am not actually achieving anything. The over-compensating is all to do with the 2 night hospital stay... and this time I think I may have gone really over board with my preparations (the last big op, I only purchased a pink bag especially for my hospital stay & I will be using that again this time around)

* One pink bed jacket purchased for hospital (a lovely dusky pink, a bargain at only $23!!!)

* A weeks worth of frozen meals to eat & save my DH from cooking too much (which is silly because he is more than capable of looking after us)

* One iPod filled with new (old) music

* 2 pairs of Track pants for recovery at home post surgery

* Toiletries especially purchased for hospital (who can go past those cute little containers?)

* Box of Metamucil sachets (just incase)

* 2 sports-bras' purchased to wear under my pj's in hospital

* Box of Ural Sachets (just incase)

* Crochet cotton and an embroidery to take to hospital so I don't get bored

* Book(s) packed

See I told you - I'm completely mad with the things I have thought to organise, I wasn't this bad when I went in to hospital to have the little one (though I did pack absolutely EVERYTHING on the suggested list provided... tee hee hee!) I think this time around, I don't relish laying in bed and being bored out of my brain... hence the reason I've packed some crochet to keep my hands busy ;)

I am still writing lists of things to do, tomorrow is D-day. I need to get everything packed and ready to go before nightfall. Due to the early time expected at hospital on Friday, our little girl is staying with her Nanna for the night, I need to pack her an overnight bag too.   

* I have a list of what to take to hospital with me for the surgery.

* I have a list of what I need DH to bring in my overnight bag.

* I  need to update the 3G on my iPad.

Yesterday I contacted my health fund to check the hospital and everything was covered. I contacted the anaesthetist and won't need to pay anything until post surgery (yay for small mercies!) I contacted the surgeons office & my current referral is in place. I had my blood test and have not heard anything back on that one yet ~ I think we can safely assume that I am NOT pregnant and the operation will be going ahead as scheduled :( Tomorrow kicks of the clear diet... I imagine I will be STARVING come night fall. I stopped coffee intake today and so far no headaches, let's hope that continues well into tomorrow.

And lastly my emotional well being tipped over the edge today. It's been building the last 2 days and while I have been coping okay, my anxiety seems to be on the rise and I am really freaking out about this operation. I don't know why? Perhaps this time around I have a lot more riding on it, it's more delicate than the last one and I will have stitches inside as well as out :( The subject of babies has been niggling at me once more, but that is for a new post. I am feeling totally drained and am off to bed, hoping for a good nights sleep as I know tomorrow night will be spent with the cold toilet seat.      

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