Thursday, May 12, 2011

Pre-op Appointment

Tomorrow is my pre-op appointment. I am assuming that it will be a relatively quick appointment just to book in the hospital (apparently this clinic does all of this for you) I will get my prescription for the Bowel Prep which will be performed {perhaps not the best word to describe what it will do to me, but you get the picture... what you didn't want THAT picture ~ just you wait till the night of, I will be sure to be sharing the ins & outs (or rather the outs) of the whole procedure!} for the record... much as I joke ~ I am NOT looking forward to this!

I am armed with a list of questions for my Doctor tomorrow... some are probably really silly {and on that... don't you hate it when they make you feel silly when you ask questions, makes me NOT want to ask questions IYKWIM} Mentally I am better prepared for this appointment, I have been writing my {silly} questions down since my last appointment with the Dr and having finished work earlier than expected, I think it's given me the space I need to better prepare for it. I have mentally prepared myself for this operation. I am not looking forward to it and even though there is no guarantee for pain relief post op, I know I will be relieved when it's all finished simply knowing that the lump has been taken out.

I just hope that this darn lump doesn't re-grow. My doctor seemed relatively confident that it wouldn't grow back, but then I do wonder as the last time I had my big endo excision (back in 2006) it was growing in a similar spot and was growing rather deep in the pelvis. I'm not sure what I will do if it comes back... if we are talking 5 - 6 years (like this one) I will be closer to 40 and in the back of my mind I keep thinking hysterectomy (though I have heard horror stories that, that option although an old style method creates more problems than it's worth as most woman go on to have issues up till and beyond menopause *) Sometimes I am thankful that I am so young in terms of 'baby' years but in others I hate that I will have this for a good 15-20 years at least (depending on what age I hit full menopause :(

Emotionally wise ~ I have surprised myself with just how settled I am about tomorrows appointment and the upcoming op. I am sure I will be freaking out a little once I am closer to operation time! I truly think that previous work stresses were adding to my emotional well being earlier in the year. Now that that part of my life is out of the equation, I feel better equipped to be able to take the time out I may need to resolve my issues and work through them rather than blanket cover them until they bubble to the surface once more.

This week has been one of the better weeks I've had in some time. The relief I have felt not having to get up and rush, rush, rush. I've taken it easy and even though I am still working for my husband, I am enjoying actually taking my time. Sssshhhh.... *looks around naughtily* I even took a day off all to myself. I pottered around. I painted. I journalled. I read. I sewed. All these things added to my sense of CALM and are precisely what I needed to just be. While I may not get that EVERY week as my husbands business is picking up and I am needed to help him de-stress and pick up the slack somewhat, it's good to know that I am once more accountable for my own time and as long as I meet my deadlines, the flexibility I now have is heedy.

*I will however stand corrected... if you have had a hysterectomy and it's fixed the issues - please let me know!

No comments: