Sunday, June 12, 2011

Endo & the Pain

My first AF (aka the period) post op, arrived today. It would appear that when the surgeon said there is "no guarantee the pain will stop" he was spot on the money. I awoke at 1am to find my body aching, from my boobs to my knees quivering & radiating pain (really no other words can describe it, it wasn't cramping as such) by the time I had been to the loo, nuked the heat pack, swallowed a couple of nurofen and stumbled my way back to bed, it had developed into an almighty uncomfortable wave of pain. The heat and the nurofen took forever to kick in and I lay awake in the dark, shifting positions every so often trying to find some comfort and much needed sleep.

This morning when I awoke, it was manageable and I began thinking that perhaps it was all going to be ok because the lump is no longer there and perhaps it was that, that was causing the majority of my ills. Unfortunately it was not to be. By 9:30 I was in the shower, hot water steaming over my poor bloated tummy. Constant nagging pain, dragged away at my insides. I knew this month would be bad so soon post op (my insides are still recovering & the previous ops, I've always had AF on or around the operation day whereas this time it was a week or two prior to the operation... I knew that recovery + AF would co-incide and boy, oh boy I was right!)

I have spent the morning curled up on the couch, a burning heat pack on my tummy, one across my lower back as the pain gripped it's way and rolled over me. Every so often a wave of pain, catching me out & making it a struggle to breathe & relax through each cramp.

While I am happy that it no longer appears that I have the feeling of a red hot knife stuck into my hip bone (that is seriously the extent of the pain in recent times) it does appear that it is taking longer to respond to medication and heat.

I hate this disease. I find it increasingly weird that the pain I experience each month is far greater than the pain from my recent operations. Being cut open in 4 different places, through skin, muscle and innards is nothing - NOTHING - compared to my monthly pain each and every month.

And to think I have it EASY compared to others. I do wish that I was like others that don't have endo; to experience a fleeting off colour feeling for a day or two with minimal cramps that DON'T require medication. That to me would be the ultimate.

Some months I am scared, I am tense awaiting the wave of pain that I know is coming. I just never know when it will hit me. It keeps me waiting then BAM, it arrives and is too late to kick it on it's arse easily. It truly sucks.



Anonymous said...

You poor thing Car :( :( :( Wouldn't it be lovely to be like everyone else each cycle. It always seems to hot at the worst of times as well. Imogen xxx

~LilOlFrankie~ said...

I'm so sorry Car xoxo

Kat McNally said...

Thank you for stopping by to leave a comment a Worthiness Wednesday. It's lovely to meet you and also to learn a little more of your story.
Thank you for sharing your pain with such depth and honesty. I know it can't be much consolation when you are wracked with such agony and fear, but the way you continue to show up and believe what you are working towards is truly inspiring.
Keep on keeping on, dear soul.
Kat x