Monday, September 12, 2011

PMT without Aunty Flo

I have just finished my first pack of Birth Control Pills (21 blue tablets, no break - no sugar pills). It's been a relatively EASY 21 days for me. The thought processes that go along with TTC have been taken away and I am feeling a lot calmer about everything and finally able to see things clearly. I know I still have a long road ahead of me - but for the right here, right now, I am feeling pretty level. Surprisingly.

I do however have one such gripe and that is with this BCP I am taking. Tonight I start on the new pack - effectively stopping AF from visiting this month. I readily admit to being a wee bit excited about NOT having her come to visit ~ the last few months (scrap that... the last several years) have been horrible with pain, popping pain relief tabs and nuking my heat packs until they smell like burnt cookies, thus rendering me hungry and craving choc chip cookies at 10pm! My gripe...??? Well I still have PMT {cue: big sob} the last 3 days I've been short tempered and while I could blame Friday's attitude on lack of sleep as I had a rare wake up call the night before AND I was going cold turkey on Coffee (probably not the best timing, but hey hindsights a bitch!) but yesterday I had a pretty decent sleep and I was still snappy. Today I have been snapping pretty much all day.

I was trying to explain to DH yesterday that it was like my PMT was still there bubbling away under the surface, but had effectively been blanketed by the pills. In theory this should be a good thing, but I feel it is like a spring pinned down, eliminating that bounce and I feel it's waiting, biding it's time. I worry when the spring is released, for now... it's trying it's best to escape and it's slowly but surely beating that little darn pill. Seeping past the edges and spewing forth a spray of words that can't be taken back. Just a few more days, if I can just suppress it for a few more days.

PMT is a HUGE part of the reason I decided to go on the BCP. I was quietly hoping that it would balance my moods and give me a few months of calm. Without snapping. Without the tears. Without the tiredness. PMT is such a debilitating side effect to being a woman.

I am hopeful that this month I am still feeling the mood swings, because my body is adjusting to taking this new pill. I am hopeful that next month will mean a smoother ride, both for my sake and the family's sakes.   

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