Thursday, June 13, 2013

I Have Confidence

Somewhere between last week and this week - I have completely LOST my confidence. 

Losing confidence for me, means a whopping big welcome to my anxiety… and well its not been pretty! 

While lacking confidence can actually enrich other areas of my life - the important stuff gets shoved further and further down the list and I fast become overwhelmed. Incapable of seeing clearly enough - where to start. 

So I've taken small steps. To gain back my confidence and keep stepping in the right direction. 

Step one. Purchase a brand new Moleskine 18month Diary

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All because I got an email from Notemaker with *new stock* and because I already have two weekends away booked in for 2014 and I needed somewhere to write them. Yes I know I *could* have written them into my computer calendar - but where's the fun in that? 

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A little cute washi tape & perhaps the control has gone a little too far - planning 18 months in advance? IN MY DEFENCE - I created a diary for this year it took me months to draw up and plan - when this one popped up it was all kinds of Awesome and it can be used horizontally as well as landscape. Perfect for my needs. Right now.


Step Two. Open my daily diary and journal my feelings.

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I have let my daily writing fall to the wayside. It began to get tedious until a light bulb moment on the weekend with the help of this blog post made me realise that my writing has come full circle and I am now entering transition mode. No longer am I able to write word after word upon a page, without prettying it up a little. If I continued down the path of just words, I daresay it would take me years to fill this particular journal and considering its been on my desk for more than 2 years already - something had to change. I finally feel I have a direction with it. Who knows - maybe it will all fall over next week and it will return to gather dust - maybe this new phase will keep me going. All I know is it is giving me a chance to delve into my worries. And be a little creative with them. 

Addressing the worries - I am a firm believer that words when written down can ease the pressures of the mind. By stating my lack of confidence here on this page, I have forced myself to accept that this is but a phase and I have already done as it says and picked up my camera. I am also now aware that my issues with confidence and shying away from my camera over the past week is because I feel overwhelmed in having to take and collate 50+ pictures for my course over the next few months. The thought of it is freaking me out. Being able to write about it - gives me the confidence to start again.

Creativity - I have been missing my creativity these past few months. With my head down bum up studying has been at the forefront of my mind. I have been studying 3 days each week in order to finish these tutorials. By focusing so much energy into study. Other areas are lacking. Work - which is nearly at the point of needing a second day each week. Housework - I'm flat out keeping the surface clean; let alone tackling the big chores like windows. Crafty life - is non-existent. Apart from a little crochet each night, I have barely done anything. I yearn to have a sewing day. A day of painting. A day to create. Anything really.   


Step three - Take a MRD (mental rest day) 

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So I didn't go here. Though I should have; probably would have had it not been raining. I took a self indulgent day of rest earlier this week (after waking at 3:30am; I was shattered and my body was shaky and not playing nice) I decided to just rest my mind. 

A pleasant day spent on the couch, watching chick flicks and surfing Facebook. 

Some journalling. 

It has been good for my soul. I am refreshed and I'm ready to tackle the coming weeks with CONFIDENCE. and my Camera. 

(you will need to go to you-tube to view this video) 

1 comment:

Unknown said...

Be kind to yourself. I am so glad to have met you - you are truly one of the loveliest people I have ever met.