Tuesday, March 3, 2015

{Rushed} March Endo Awareness


These past few years I have borrowed time. I always knew, even way back as a teen, that I would be where I stand today. 

Time is a funny thing. 

There are moments when it stands still. Feet burning beneath you, the slow burn acting as a grounding, living, breathing thing. 

Then spaces where everything feels rushed. When your feet move so fast they brush the surface of the earth as a butterflies wings flutter.  

Today I am at a cross road. Standing still. Yet rushed. I have decisions to make, figures to consider and my own mental space closing in. 

If I don't make these decisions today - I live in fear that time will drag me along in its wake and I will miss my chance. 

Yet inside I wonder if this is so dreadful. What if my choice is the wrong one. What if I rush this and develop regrets. What if it is the right decision though? 

I mentioned last night that this disease has given me one option but I lied. I have two options.

Continue trudging along the old worn pathway, up and down as I have walked the past decade. A path that will eventually loop back and become the new road. 

Or take a leap of faith and skip down the newly paved road; seeing the wonder of new places and new beginnings. 

Fear is filtering my senses as I second guess myself. 

Why can't time pause momentarily, at least long enough to make my decision. Or at least until tomorrow when I am able to get a decent sleep beneath my belt.     

1 comment:

becanne said...

Thinking of you.

Just remember that you are only as alone as you want to be.
We are all just a phone call, text or fb message away.

You are a strong, brave woman - even if you don't feel that way.