Wednesday, October 3, 2018

{Blogtober} Tangled Thoughts

My thoughts are tangled today. We are currently navigating a difficult path in life. I thought I would have all the words but today they are refusing to play, they are tangled within as I go through the motions and battle emotions.

Today marks 12 years since my beautiful Pop left this world. We were talking about it last night, how the years drop away on us and we go on living and being alive and having a life.  Yet there remains a void. A wish you could spend just one more moment and tell those who have left all the words unspoken.

I am conscious that it has been 12 years (give or take a day or two) since we found out we were expecting. Our one and only pregnancy. The product of that today stands a head shorter than me and is constantly upside down. I suppose life is more interesting when viewed from this angle.

I went to the shops this morning, expecting retail therapy to help. Rather it was retail road rage I endured instead. People going about their lives. Stopping in the middle of the aisles. Walking in front of me. Not moving even when I was carrying a huge heavy box. Kids running amok.

I wanted to scream. Do they not know that today is a bad, no good, crazy, heart pulling day.

Then I wondered how many of those people, those innocent people I spent cursing (in my head) their stupidity and ignorance and rudeness, may also be having an equally bad day?

Life is a curious thing. It is endless and spiralling and filled with so much angst and wonder and living.

Today the words may remain stagnant as I retreat, tomorrow they can shine as the sun rises and brings us a new day with possibility.