Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Endometriosis Awareness Month

March is Endometriosis Awareness Month. I am aware of this because I am in several 'support' groups on Facebook. While I'm aware that March is Awareness Month - you may not? I've been thinking about what I could write about here in order to promote more Endometriosis Awareness and I haven't been sure I have it in me to do so and keep up the pace of it (seems I am struggling to commit to anything these days)

Yesterday changed that thinking, a routine check up at the Doctors has me back on the path of unknown once more. Once more I am at the crossroad and need to choose a path. I'm no longer sure which path to take and it's this ~ this unknown that I can simply share. Share with you just what exactly goes down when you are dealt a disease that still baffles the Doctors after so many years.

Stay tuned. I will be back tomorrow with my first instalment - I doubt I will write EVERY day and I don't doubt it will be pretty fluffy entries. Unfortunately with this disease there is a lot of blood and guts! See you tomorrow!


  



Monday, February 27, 2012

Study and Writing once more

Study has re-commenced for 2012 - now I just need to keep up this pace. School started 6 weeks ago… & I've only picked up the books once (twice including today) I half finished a tutorial prior to the Christmas break and then took 4 weeks off as my daughter had finished up at daycare; now I'm unsure where I'm up to, am I ready to tackle the next assessment - am I ready for possible rejection, why can't I just ride high on my previous distinction and hope I get the same for this assessment. Why am I so scared! For the past 6 weeks I've been left feeling like I am floating along in the rapids that is life. Everything around me has been rushing by and I find I don't even have time to pick up the phone to call my best friend - how bad am I? Yet I am still finding time to craft.

PRIORITIES.

It's all about priorities and I can no longer pretend that I am on top of things when clearly I am NOT. So today I have cleaned (half hearted) I have sat and watched my trashy TV episodes (Buffy Season 2) and I multi-tasked while I was at it, drinking coffee - eating chocolate and crocheting. I feel I've done my crafty bit for the day. While my mood and energy levels screamed at me to let them sit and savour more episodes, more chocolate and definitely MORE coffee, I fought it and set myself up at the table and started working on my 2nd tutorial. I am currently reading a few writing quotes which I think are very apt and need to be put here for those times I feel I can't do it, because I can do it. I have my proof that I can do this - I just need to get up off my arse and stop pretending I'm still on holidays!


"Good Writing is hard work" - Snoop (Charles Schulz)

"Every Writer I know has trouble writing" - Joseph Heller

I can do this and I will make it a priority from here on in. It's scary that the one thing that saved me from sinking into oblivion last year is the one thing I have avoided like the plague this year. The signs are all there, I need to write to live.



So the plan is this:

Finish the 2nd tutorial today.

Start prepping the 2nd assessment.

Submit the 2nd assessment during March after I've had time to read it back and decide I am happy with it.

March and April - Work through 3rd tutorial & Assessment

It's entirely do-able… I just need to stick with it and actually do it rather than say 'I'll get to it tomorrow"


As for my online writing groups; I will slowly work my way back to them. I need them to keep the momentum flowing - I know that, I am just struggling to make them a priority in my week.



Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Dear Stupid World...

It you ok? Not me.

Special mention to the lady at the coffee shop, when I ask that you make sure today's coffee is WITHOUT caramel because my last two purchased HAD caramel in them - JUST AGREE WITH ME - 'kay? It would be so much safer for YOU. Don't try and argue the point that if I ordered a cappuccino, that's what I'd get "why would they add caramel to a plain cappuccino" why indeed? Well guess what honey - THEY ADDED IT! I didn't like it. Thought I'd just mention it. Just agree with the angry & extremely hormonal woman on the other end of the counter and make sure as heck I don't get any trace of caramel in today's coffee!

Spotlight. Fix your bleeping' signage. If there is a sign up saying threads are $3.79 I don't expect that I will end up paying $5.99 at the counter :o here's an idea, if your signage is correct you won't have an extremely hormonal lady at the counter having a heart attack (could have been a panic attack) over how much she's just spent on embroidery threads!

To the lady in the car park... ONE WAY means ONE WAY. Don't try and drive the other way and then stare me down because I nearly crash into your ugly car. Get a carpark and go book an appointment with the eye doctor! Thank you from the screaming banshee lady in the blue car (that nearly ran you down)

To the Policemen at the speed checks... you have NO idea how lucky you were you didn't pull me over today (could be that I was sticking to the speed limit) anyhow you rest easy tonight that you didn't end up with a crazy hormonal bitch on the receiving end of your ticket!

And lastly to the idiot that flew out onto the roundabout in the left lane when CLEARLY I needed that lane - you are an idiot. I'm including you in the list because you then decided that you wanted to get OFF the Island and needed the RIGHT lane. Hence cutting me off when if you had of waited (impatient so & so) I would have been able to SAFELY merge into the LEFT giving you full access to the RIGHT. Yes that was my middle finger you see in your rear vision mirror!

To the council / main roads, I note that YET another day goes by and the grassy median strip remains at window level of my car. Failing going out and buying myself a bigger car (like F250) or driving our ride-on mower up and doing it myself - get your crews out to clean it up. Crazy mad lady having anxiety because I can't see what's coming the other way.

To my husband (who neglected to buy me chocolates for Valentines Day - HELLO? Hormonal bloody woman in the house - where's me *flippin'* chocolate... lucky for you, I went to the shops today and bought my own box. We won't mention that this is my 2nd box for the month ;) why do you wait till I get my heart set on a new car then tell me you aren't convinced. *sigh* but I LIKE that car. *stamps foot* (note: it is a black 4WD and would have come in handy earlier today during the carpark and later roundabout incidents)  

See it's totally NOT ME! Everyone else is completely crazy.  

Monday, February 13, 2012

NO MORE HOSPITAL!

After declaring 2012 a {hopefully} hospital free year for our family, we have just received news that hubby needs to go in for an operation :( shee-it! He's had this operation previously so we know what to expect (it's to do with stones) but there is also a very real possibility that there maybe a 2nd op later in the year. Needless to say we are OVER hospitals and after we get over this little hurdle we are hoping to stay away from them for several years!

Very thankful for private health cover right about now!

   

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Changes and Adjusting

It's been a while since I stopped by, I'm hoping now that school is back I will get more opportunity to sit and write because I really do miss it. As much as I'd hoped to squeeze some study and writing in over the Christmas break, it didn't eventuate with my small snippets of time spent sewing and crafting instead... not that I'm complaining, I had missed those activities too.

However the hiding out and procrastinating must stop now, Sarah Mac has called me on it by tagging me with a meme which I will try and get to at some stage - make sure you remind me Sarah!

Life has been relatively calm in the past few months, after the hype that was Christmas; I found myself wracked with a dreadful head cold (almost of man-flu proportions) and I opted for rest and relaxation and plenty of it. So much of it in fact I found it hard to get back into the swing of things.

The end of January marked my baby girls first ever day at school - or Prep - which is what it's known of in Queensland. For those non Qld'ers, Prep is the year before Year 1 - held within the school grounds they wear the same uniform & lunch with the bigger kids. Curriculum is learning based with play (totally different to what my year before year one was, way back when...) and already after 2 weeks I can see a change in my little girl. I have never pushed her to 'know' certain things and I have always let her work at her own pace (my theory being if she takes her time to learn, she won't get bored and burn out in the later years of schooling, like I did) so whereas most of the kids in her year were already writing their own names I indulged her with dotting the way (i.e. putting dots in the shape of letters and she wrote over the top.) The night before BIG School, she worriedly asked me what they would be learning and doing while they were there and I told her a basic outline of all they would be doing. She piped up in a small voice, but I can't write my name by myself. *sigh* at that moment, I sort of wish I had pushed the envelope with that learning, but I told her it would be fine and if she didn't know then she just had to ask the teacher, thinking this through she said "If Miss xxx puts dots under it, I will be right mum" Yes you will little girl, yes you will. Low and behold, less than 8 days at school and she comes home proud as punch and proceeds to write her name... EVERYWHERE. I am so proud. She will go far my little girl.

This School thing is a huge adjustment for us all. As you know I left my old job several months back in preparation for this moment, becoming a Stay at home mum whose child is off to school. Unlike the majority of school mums who still have kiddies at home, I don't which means my little time frame, the few hours between school drop off and school pick up are entirely mine to do with as I will. An average of 5.5hours each and every week day. I expected a small pang as I approached this moment, you know the one where most mums go back and pop out another because they are all lonely at home by themselves? Yet there's been nothing, no pang to speak of. Perhaps it will come in a few months when we are ensconced into our new roles and boredom starts to settle in. Perhaps then, I will yearn for another.

Which makes me wonder, am I recovered? Have I managed to pull myself out of that dark place I was in and see that not everything in this world revolves around having more children? My pain of being unable to fall pregnant appears to have eased, I have grieved my non-existant future children for 12 months now. At the other side, I am at peace and able to coincide with our decision. It's taken me a bloody long time to get to this point, several forks in the road to sway my thoughts but I seem to have found my yellow brick road. It's a rickety old path and I'm sure it's filled with potholes and rubble, but for now at this moment in time, I'm happy to take my time and wander on in a leisurely pace.

Our lives have changed, no longer do days span out in front of me and my babe to do what we will. Go on spur of the moment adventures, fight with the shopping trolley (and more often than not each other) drop everything and go to the beach. Mum's group, play dates and nights away. Everything now needs to revolve around School. From Monday to Friday our lives will be making sure we are in the car by 8:15am and again at 2:35pm in order not to miss that School bell. No longer can we sleep in for 'just another 5 minutes' or lazily take our time on the couch. Watching TV. Using the iPad. Life just got hectic and in a way it's like returning to work. All our leisure time will now be reserved for weekends. Adventures will need to happen on our holidays. So far it's not such a bad thing, I'm sure time will come when I get a bit jack of driving to the Island and back twice a day. Already in the 2nd week I found myself exhausted by weeks' end and my hubby sort of laughed until I said to him in reality when I take into account 20 mins drive to and from, plus the settling in etc, I'm in the car for 2 hours a day. It's a lot of travel when you've been sitting on your backside the past 6 months. I'm not usually perturbed by travel, I grew up in the country and my first few years at work were at places over an hour from home. Travel by road doesn't bother me too much. I learnt young. When we moved here, it would take me a minimum of 40 mins to get to work and again in the afternoon. Personally I know I will get used to it, I just need a small window of adjustment.

My days have been filled with coffee dates, work, sewing, writing, cleaning. It's been a fun couple of weeks and I am still adjusting to the new times. With less hours each day I need to be more vigilant about taking my time with things. For example having a four hour coffee date last week wasn't the smartest as it was time to head back to the School just after I returned home. I will get there eventually, but for now I'm taking small steps - and I'm enjoying the process as I do.