Monday, June 1, 2015

Dreaming {BIG}

The past two months I started dreaming of the day that I would work out what I needed to do as my next step in this journey. After my 2011 operations, it took me many months to find my way and I dabbled in several areas until I finally settled upon creative writing. Achieving my Diploma and attempting two different genre novels (still to be finished.)

As my words lay dormant I have been like a frog, jumping from lily pad to bank and back to lily pad searching for what to do next. The water puddles below me stagnant. Plain and simple - writing is a limb to me and when I don't write - I feel like something is missing.

JuNoWriMo loomed in the distance and subconsciously I considered taking the plunge. If only to ease myself back into a world of words and make believe. "Start small," I mused. "A few hundred words a day." An opportunity to finish one or both of my untold tales. Accountability in the pressure to "WIN."

Then in the space of an hour last week, two people - on opposite sides of this country suggested there might be something in telling my story. To use my words and my journey to raise awareness and share. I am still not convinced, but when I see a glimmer of a challenge...

I won't lie to you - I have tried this back in 2011 and prior to that in 2007. Both times were a disastrous few thousand whiney words. Why I think it would work now is anyone's guess. The only difference now is I have reached the light - the darkness permeates my past and back in those years when I tried writing about it, I was awash with the "living of it" perhaps now I see it as what it was and it makes the "reliving of it" easier to articulate. Or maybe this is just another one of those things I need to go through as part of my therapy at this journeys end.

Yet the idea niggled. And nibbled. And grew until on Saturday afternoon I wrote furiously and within 15 minutes listed a possible 44 chapters (or Titles for a series of vignettes) then I remembered Junowrimo and BOOM. Here I am on June 1st and actually considering doing this.

Am I mad?

Quite possibly I am, but this morning after doing the errands and racing home, I sat staring at the empty computer screen and slowly started typing. 2,500 words later I am over day 1 target. Yes you read that correctly - TYPING - this attempt there will be no handwriting unless I am stuck in the car and the urge to write hits.

I'm not ready to raise my hand and say I pledge to attempt Junowrimo and then proceed to fail. I am not saying that this story will go anywhere but from my head to my computer screen. Perhaps I will (as in previous years) grow bored and let the words die a slow and painful death. Yet maybe, just maybe it will keep my sanity. It seems wrong not to share my intentions here considering that this is typically where all my crazy ideas begin and before I know it I'm swirled into a world of raining letters and keyboards and my mind.

Today I am Dreaming {BIG} and that is more than okay because I need a project as BIG as this in my life right now to give me Focus, Balance, Belief, Perseverance and Hope.