Wednesday, September 20, 2017

The Sands of Time

I am a creature of habit. Change has become a foreign concept. I like to know where I stand, where I am going and I resist turning in difficult directions. 

Yet this year as I watch the seasons come and go, change has been etched on the horizon. It is edging ever closer to me and I am finally allowing it a place in my home. 

The beach is my favourite place. Mornings I walk along the passage watching the changes evolve. Man-made changes as dozers reposition the sand and push it this way and that. Natural changes as the tidal ebb and flow push that sand back in the opposite direction.  

Each Friday we take a stroll up the beach, watching as tide and time press and mould the sand. Nothing remains stagnant for long.  

Change is inevitable. 

These past few years have seen major changes in the flow of our lives. Most changes were for the better and while I may have resisted initially - like the landscape of a beach, the changes occurred anyway.

Time is a fickle thing. Time is a relentless march forward. There is no stopping. Or turning back. There is only onward.

So much time has passed since I connected with this space, I considered whining about it. Or closing it down for good. Yet a spark niggled, a nagging voice in my head grew louder and I wondered if it was possible to adjust my sails and begin a new voyage.

The beauty of change is possibility.

Anything is possible if you allow yourself to be open to it.

Tuesday, March 7, 2017

The truth of an underwhelmed would be writer

The past few years I have written so many words. Between my personal journals and my creative writing pursuits I have probably logged in excess of 100K, 200K words. Serious!

Back in 2014 I WON NaNoWriMo. I may have already mentioned this fact several times. I won't lie I was super proud of this achievement.

As for the story - well I spent 28 days writing a fairly (in my opinion: mediocre) mystery type fantasy. It began strongly, I fell in love with my lead characters as they played out a mini secondary love story on the sidelines. Then. STOP! The story came to a screaming halt. Brakes squealing, burnt rubber drifting across the air. 50,000 words later, I wrote myself to the middle section and found I was out of my depth.

A change of scenery - heck I changed the laws of the universe, there were a whole cast of NEW characters who were neither human nor beast. I floundered. I kept making notations, return to this section and add this, this and this! Go there and add that. "what were you THINKING"

My neat little mystery became a horror film.

{the horror mainly the RED pen that I used to correct my many meanderings of words}

While I did have the very best intentions to actually plan the story and draft it, the sheer volume of words buried me. I then began to question every single word I hand wrote and wondered if I simply wasted the entire month?

 What was I thinking trying to write a fantasy when I don't even particularly like reading fantasy!

So I filed it. One day I will see if I can de-frankenstein it &/or restructure it to a small series.

What I realised is I set out to do what I planned to do - I wrote 50,000 words in 30 28 days. I reached NaNo stardom. The winners circle was heady!

During October 2016... the whispers NaNo, NaNo, NaNo niggled at me. I dreamt of pens scrawling across blank pages. I envisaged holding the trophy high at the end "I would like to thank.."
I went out and purchased new notebooks and new pens. Internally I groaned at myself. Writing like a crazy woman was just plain... crazy.

I then planned. Sat. Twiddled my thumbs and twirled my pen. Wracked my brain.

Until I came to the conclusion I had ZERO clue what I would write about.

November 1st arrived... 27 days later (YES 27!) I finished a story. 50,000 words. Not including THE END. Which I also wrote. You see this time I actually wrote the beginning, the middle and the end. Then realised I have a skeleton with no muscles. Or blood. Or flesh. Eh. That is another entry for another day in the future!

Why am I musing about these past goals today? Well CampNaNo begins on April 1st. Of course I signed up immediately. Count me in. Take my money already.

Hold up. What will I write?

And that folks - is the end of this little tale. Now you may have a small iota of how I have been feeling since my ill-fated win of 2014. It is frustrating. Yet it would appear not so frustrating that I am willing to begin writing ANOTHER story. Perhaps one day I will actually look at what I have written and look at some kind of publishing. Or perhaps they will languish until some long lost relative discovers them on some weird little USB stick and finds an ancient Mac Computer and begins reading my crazy pipe dreams.  

Saturday, January 28, 2017

The one where she returns

A goal, a friendly challenge and a desire to re-connect has me once again opening the draft page of this blog and attempting to write a welcome back post. 

I am back. 

Hi! Did you miss me? 

How do I fill in a SIX month absence. 

This post is attempt number 226 (well not really, that number is a slight over-exaggeration) However many drafts do lie discarded, never to see the light of day even though the words make my heart sing they are not the words I need to record forever. 

So where do you start when you have allowed your favourite corner of the internets languish, broken, lost and abandoned. Heck you can practically see the dust bunnies if you peer close enough (nope... turns out that is just my dusty computer screen!)  

Perhaps I SHOULD NOT start with the word SO. I apologise that word is following me at the moment. I am conscious of it's overuse in my journal writing and online nattering but still it pops up... So... 

I would love to say it has been a glorious six month break. It was and it was not. 

Instead it was a time for reflection. 

I feel I have emerged from this cocoon. Change is all around me, yet as a creature of habit I resist it. I try to hide from it and then I come here to try putting it all into words and I am left deleting more than I write. Which isn't like me dammit!  

Ironically I am lost for words yet I sit here and wrote out a list of 10 potential posts. Go figure.