Saturday, November 28, 2015

Words, Life and Everything in between


Nothing to see here. Move along folks.

That is the extent of my month long attempt at writing. I managed a few days. I'm not proud of that fact, but you know what it is OKAY. I now have five extra days of words on paper than before I began.

I could sprout on for days about all the reasons WHY I didn't complete it this year. WHY I couldn't. WHY, when I finally nutted out my storyline I fell to pieces and walked away from my pen.

Instead I will just say I got tired. And overwhelmed. And Lost.

Yesterday I yelled. Something was asked of me. I over-reacted and suddenly words were tumbling out, a multitude of resentments that were simmering beneath the surface. I feel better for yelling. I also feel worse for yelling.

Today I find myself alone and though there is SO MUCH TO DO (hello... have you seen my dining table? it is lost under an avalanche of LIFE) I find myself flittering. Not doing much of anything. I've washed two loads of clothes and got super lazy with the second load and popped them through the dryer.

I have a list as long as my arm to organise for Christmas.

I need to remove myself from Social Media... or enforce stricter time limits.

I have a custom order (MY FIRST ORDER!) and yet I am pretending it needs to be finished in 3 days, instead opting to sit mutely, staring mindlessly at the TV screen, stuffing my face with all the junk food I can find & knowing full well I will regret this moment of insolence.

I did do one thing today that has me excited - I pulled out my camera and started snapping. I haven't touched my camera in so long. What do you think of my abstract flower?

This afternoon I plan on taking it easy. I might swish some paint around. I might start brainstorming for the coming year. I might just curl up on the couch and read my book. Tomorrow I will start tackling all the stuff holding me down. 

Friday, November 13, 2015

I am Weary

Today I am feeling weary. 
Not bone crunchingly exhausted. 
Not even just a little bit tired. 
I am WEARY. 

Of course it has nothing and everything to do with the fact we were out partying head-banging until the wee small hours of the morning. Along with 45,000 others, buried in a sea of black complete with flashing red horns we rocked and are now a little deafer than we were after their LAST concert.

I stare around me at the crowd as more an more grey hairs sprout (& I'm not just talking about the band here) a few more bald heads, but in between all that there are small children; being shaped & moulded to become the next gen of hard core rockers. My own daughter (8yo) was absolutely devastated when I told her the 3rd ticket was for her uncle & after citing her far too young age and the deafening noise of the concert she finally understood why I said no.

Until her classmate was allowed to go and bang heads with the best of them.

Some days I wonder if we are getting too old for this. The fatigue we feel the following day, the ringing ears (did you say something?) and the raccoon eyes because removing mascara after midnight is the worst job in the world.

Lets not forget STANDING on a bus for over an HOUR to get from one side of town to the stadium! Feeling extreme gratitude toward uncomfortable grandstand seats and am now considering buying a pair of doc martins for the next concert - what on earth was I thinking wearing HEELS?

Yet despite it all and despite the fact I am only managing to function today with the help of copious amounts of chocolate and back to back caffeine infusions; we have already said "Next time we go"

What can I say we like to plan ahead...

Friday, November 6, 2015

Starry eyed and Procrastination

Last week I stated my intentions of contemplating NaNoWriMo (again) if you have a little look over there ---------> you might see that I have been writing. 7,398 words (handwritten then retyped) as I started out with starry eyes. And my sanity.


Day 1 - armed with notebook, favourite writing pen and coffee I began writing. The finishing touches (all 2,895 words) to a short story I began several months ago. A ghostly / supernatural themed story that *I think* turned out quite good, however the initial gem of an idea was found on twitter and as such I can never do anything with it. 

That night, tired but happy to make a decent start, I began perusing the stack of library books I thought may come in handy during the month...

Day 2 dawned brightly and I selected an inspiration picture from Pinterest and I sat down. No matter how hard I tried I felt I was going in circles. And it was then I realised that trying to come up with a different short story outline every 2nd or 3rd day would ensue complete and utter burn out. 

You heard it hear folks... writing 50K words on ONE story is far easier than over many short stories. 

Day 3 and I returned to my original NaNo story from last year. I wrote 50K and managed to tell my story to the crucial change over point at which stage I suddenly found myself thrust into a world I created but with no idea how my plot would play out and zero experience writing fantasy. 


On day 3 I did manage to write quota but then I missed Day 4 and yesterday I ignored the world and attempted to get my word count to where it needed to be. 

Until I was hit by the procrastination bug. 

Listen when your chocolate bar tells you to take a break and procrastinate... you better bloody well do as the chocolate says. It is all knowing! 

So I took a break, thankfully while I was on that break I spent my time wisely and I plotted out several missing points on my story and I now have a vague outline of how the plot will flow as well as the themes. Now the hard part is just to nut out how I get my characters to that point. 

This morning I woke up late, I had two showers (the first cut short when I realised the new puppy was eating the pillow on the bed. the second was to wash out my conditioner!) We were late to School and I came home exhausted. At 9am. 

I started thinking WHY am I doing this to myself. It is obvious by now that I am *not* in the correct mindset to be writing about fictional characters when I cannot keep the real life people in check. I considered briefly while I spent 2 hours fluffing about on the internet looking at nothing, to throw it all in. Treat it like a bad joke and pretend 2015 didn't happen. 

Yet after writing this post... and staring at my NaNo book with only 50pages until I fill it completely and seeing my word count wavering so close to the 10K (that is 1/5th of the way through) I think maybe I should pull up my big girl panties and just get on with the job. 

So while I sit here and eat my "procrastinating chocolate" that apparently was missed being eaten yesterday because I was too busy procrastinating I will ponder whether I will go on with my story or if I shall just aim to write a little bit every day rather than a big chunk and burning myself out. 

Are you NaNo'ing this year? Do you feel the burnout so early on?