Wednesday, May 11, 2016

Obscure Nothings

It has been sometime since I graced this blog with my presence. Nearly two months and no words to be found. If I am completely honest with myself I considered not returning.

I am plodding through life. Slow and steady, yet I jump from project to project with wild abandon - I feel as though all those months last year when I strived to find "me" amongst the health crap are now in overdrive - I am everywhere but nowhere.

Each month I list my intentions and then plonk down on my bum watching the distant settling dust from the bandwagon that banished me from its side. Of course my banishment comes from a shiny *NEW* project that just needs my attention. Who said I shouldn't have 15 current journals on the go (sadly... this is the truth!)

And then I was still. Nestled between each new shiny thread of new projects was a sense of being. Of living in the moment and allowing myself to flow with each new endeavour.

Today I am sick. Last week I told my hubby that since my op I have never felt so darn well. He agreed and said the past year has been the best I've ever been.  We jinxed it. I succumbed to man flu. I've been sick since Friday! Of course I am milking it.

I have attempted reading the Artists Way and trialled the all important Morning Pages. I have realised a very important thing about myself - I am not a Morning Person. Therefore my morning PAGE (singular - none of this plural 3x A4 size pages first thing every morning) is usually a mishmash of nothings (a little like this blog post) somewhere between a brain dump and five minutes of Free Writing. While it helps to siphon the excess off my head, I just cannot get my brain or hand working before coffee and as a fallout I've averaging 4 mornings in a row before missing 5 days. It is really most frustrating and I am contemplating dropping it as a bad joke.

Of course I am not too disheartened because today's bright idea was to commence a 365 creative writing exercise.... because my track record at attempting anything of a daily nature seems to fail after 3 - 4 days was not enough to deter me... I'm sticking to pocket Moleskine Cashiers since I just happened to have several lying around. I can do this right? Totally.

I'm sure I will awaken from my man-flu sometime in the next week and will wonder what on earth possessed me to think I could manage a 365. Time will tell 'eh?